My Angel
by X-DarkEyes-X
Summary: SP all the way! The song is 'Can you feel the love tonight' by Elton John. WARNING: Character death! Have the kleenex ready!


I'll never get the image out of my head…not truly. I may forget it sometimes but it always comes back to me in my dreams. The tragic events that took place that day will haunt me for the rest of my life. I don't talk about that day if I can help it. Its still painfully raw inside, even after all this time. I can still see her smiling, happy face in the earlier hours of that day when she and I had shared an intimate moment in the briefing room. The guv'nor, Jack, had been briefing us on an obbo in which we were all taking part. He had given us all the details we needed on the drug dealers we were supposed to be taking out, dismissed us and left the room himself. She had gotten up off her seat to follow him out the room but I had grabbed her wrist and gently pulled her back. We shared a little moment in the briefing room; I told her how much I loved her like I used to do five or six times a day. She had said those three earth shattering words back to me then I had pulled her in for a gentle kiss.

There's a calm surrender to the rush of day  
When the heat of the rolling world can be turned away  
An enchanted moment, and it sees me through  
It's enough for this restless warrior just to be with you

The dealers were escaping! There was a lot more of them than we had anticipated, true…we had managed to arrest four or five but they were all small fry. We were after one of the biggest drug dealers in Sunhill and we weren't about to let him escape!

"There he is!" Sam had shouted at me as he emerged from the back entrance. "You block him with the car, I'll follow on foot!" She had disappeared before I had a chance to argue. I swiftly turned the car and sped off down the narrow road we had driven so stealthily along a few hours before. I skidded round the corner and added more pressure to the accelerator, getting faster and faster until the suspect suddenly shot out in front of me. I was forced to swerve to avoid him and managed to do so narrowly. I looked back to reassure myself he was ok and to my great relief I saw him running away, unscathed. My relief was short lived though as I turned back around just in time to see Sam's horrified face as I drove straight for her. Those few seconds were the longest of my life. I slammed on the breaks and tried to avoid her while watching her come closer and closer, she was frozen to the spot with fear. I knew I was going to hit her and closed my eyes waiting for the impact.

I heard the sickening crunch as my car collided with her body. A scream of horror left my mouth and my eyes flew open to see her hurtling through the air like a rag doll. I was forced to watch, again in slow motion, as her body hit the ground and bounced slightly, landing some ten feet away where she remained perfectly still, her leg stuck out at a strange angle. I sat there in total shock, just watching her , praying for movement on her part but none came. In reality I must only have sat there for three or four seconds but to me it felt like an eternity. As I regained the feeling in my legs, I ripped my seatbelt off and threw the door open, stumbling out the car and running clumsily towards her, knowing my shaking legs weren't going to support me for long.

And can you feel the love tonight  
It is where we are  
It's enough for this wide-eyed wanderer  
That we got this far  
And can you feel the love tonight  
How it's laid to rest  
It's enough to make kings and vagabonds  
Believe the very best

She was still alive when I reached her and amazingly: still conscious although she was gasping for breath and shaking like a leaf. I threw myself down next to her and ripped my jacket off my shoulders before tucking it around her in a feeble attempt to keep her warm.

"Sam!...Sam?!?" I called to her as I gently pulled her into my arms.

"Phil…" she croaked in a barely audible whisper. Car doors slamming announced the arrival of our colleagues but I barely noticed them as I fought to keep the woman I loved alive. I heard someone calling an ambulance, looking back it could possibly have been Jo, but the words barely registered with me. None of our work mates disturbed us, knowing there was nothing they could t until the ambulance arrived.

"Phil?..." I heard Sam whisper again.

"I'm here darling, I'm here" I reassured her.

"Phil…I…I love…you" she breathed.

"I love you too baby, your going to be ok, your going to get better and me and you are going to have a long and happy life together." I don't know whether I was trying to reassure her or myself. She shook her head slightly, her eyes widening as she fought to stay conscious.

"I…want you…to…be happy"

"I will babe…with you" she shook her head again, her eyes now starting to close. She was fading before my eyes.

"Always…remember that…I…love you"

"I know you love me darling, I love you too! Please don't leave me!" I begged her as the tears started to roll down my face.

"Never…forget…" she breathed as her eyes closed for the final time. Her body went limp in my arms and she fell silent, no longer gasping for air. I knew immediately she was gone. I could hear sirens in the distance but it was too late…the only woman I had ever loved was dead.

I desperately tried to revive her but to no avail. My sobs became loud and uncontrollable as I leant over and buried my face in her hair. I could smell the shampoo she had used that morning: Summer fruits. A smell I had come to associate with her.

I pulled back slightly and wiped a trickle of blood from her mouth with my sleeve then kissed her forehead gently. She was still warm.

My tears mingled with her blood as I stared down into the face I had become accustomed to seeing everyday and I gently placed a loosed strand of her gorgeous blond hair behind her tiny ears. I tried to absorb the incomprehensible truth: Sam was gone. I would never talk to her, kiss her or make love to her ever again.

She had left me to face this world alone.

There's a time for everyone if they only learn  
That the twisting kaleidoscope moves us all in turn  
There's a rhyme and reason to the wild outdoors  
When the heart of this star-crossed voyager beats in time with yours

I felt a hand on my shoulder and turned to see Jacks pale face and sorrowful eyes gazing down at me.

"Come on Phil" he spoke gently and quietly. "There's nothing more you can do…she's gone. Come on." His grip on my shoulder tightened and he pulled me up and steered me away, leaving Sam in the hands of the paramedics. I sat in the back of Jacks car with the door open, holding my face in my hands. I was in shock. I took my hands away just in time to see Sam's body, lying on a stretcher, hidden from view by a white sheet being loaded into the back of the ambulance while our colleagues watched, ashen-faced. A paramedic insisted on checking me over but I barely listened to a word he said. After a while he left me be and drove of with my Sam.

The next week or so was a blur. Looking back, I don't know what I did with myself. I had been prescribed sleeping pills and anti-depressants by my doctor but they didn't really work. On those rare occasions when I left reality behind, I saw her face, white and scared as I drove towards her and I found myself being pulled back to real life shaky and sweating. On most of these occasions, I emptied the small amount of food that filled my stomach in the toilet.

I was dreading her funeral because I knew the dreadful truth would dawn on me afterwards. Right now, I was in denial, trying to convince myself that there had been a mistake and she would walk through the door at any moment but deep down I knew there had been no mistake. She was gone. I had killed her.

And can you feel the love tonight  
It is where we are  
It's enough for this wide-eyed wanderer  
That we got this far  
And can you feel the love tonight  
How it's laid to rest  
It's enough to make kings and vagabonds  
Believe the very best

Her funeral came and went painfully slowly. It was a beautiful ceremony: her favourite songs played, her favourite poem read. I myself sat in the front row, unable to speak. There was a huge turnout, I had never realised before how popular and loved Sam was. The whole of Sunhill station turned up even though some people barely knew her. Her ex-boyfriend, Stuart was there too. He and I had never seen eye to eye but today we had no harsh words for each other: we were united in grief.

Now six years on, I have done what Sam asked…I moved on. I found myself a new partner. We're engaged with a child on the way but even though I love my wife-to-be, I will never stop loving my Sam. Like it says on her snowy white gravestone: She was my lover…my soul mate…

My angel


End file.
